PDA: A growing epidemic that pretty much warrants murder

PDA is something that has always grated on me, (possibly due to the fact that I'm alone and slightly jealous) but today I literally wanted to commit acts of homicide. Whilst walking into Bits and Bytes with my friend, I noticed an extremely cuddly couple nuzzling each other in one of the booths closest to the door. Quite frankly, it was despicable. They were sitting next to each other, and the girl was eating a bag of potato chips while basically sitting on her boyfriend's lap. Meanwhile, he had his arm around her and felt the need to caress her arm incessantly. As my friend and I were walking towards the food area, the girl kept staring at us for God knows what reason (perhaps because my gay friend is far more attractive than her boyfriend could ever be and she mistook us for being together and was insanely jealous? I tend to get those looks a lot for some reason. They don't hold as much satisfaction as you would think).  I knew if I focused on their disgusting display I would fly into a Hulk-like rage, flipping their table over and pouring that bitch's potato chips all over the two of them. So I went and got food with my friend instead. Once we had gotten our food we were getting our utensils and looking for a place to sit. Thank goodness for us, we had the pleasure of walking by these two champions again. This time the girl was kneeling up in the booth, basically straddling him while they kissed oh so tenderly.

What.

The.

Fuck.

ATTENTION HOFSTRA SLUTS (and any other girl that thinks it's okay to give head and/or have sex in public): NO ONE GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Why do people feel the need to flash a neon sign that they're dating? No one's gonna steal him from you you nasty skank, he's not even that cute. 

Oh, and p.s.

Watching you ram your tongue down his throat makes me regret the ridiculous amount of money I just spent on some nasty shit Hofstra food. I've eaten at Bits maybe four times this year. Thanks. A fucking. Lot

In short, keep it in your pants. Your CEO father spent the extra however-much-money on a single dorm room for you for a reason